Anybody need a professional hater?
I would want to be film critic if I could do nothing but write these. Reverse Shot have published their 2nd year-in-review page of sniping directed at films, film critics and audiences (see the 2003 entry). I'm much more enthusiastic trashing stuff than praising it, so this type of thing appeals to me.
Several of their attitudes are spot-on, including the opening shot at Armond White, who writes the most readable gibberish I've ever seen in film criticism. Of course, as often as I slap my forehead at the nonsense that appears regularly in White's pieces, I also share his reactions to certain movies on occasion and sometimes find myself actually sounding like him in agitated moments. When I say that White writes nonsense, I don't mean things that I disagree with. I'm talking about sentences that don't mean anything specifically. Few people can reduce words to epithets or exclamations as Armond White can. He tends to use words more for the forcefulness of their impression than for their referential value, which is why the Reverse Shot award is so aptly named.
Of course, one person's "wrong-headed hyperbole" is another person's cogently incisive observation. Last year, Reverse Shot published a best film of the year writeup of Kill Bill, Vol. 1 that includes the sentence: "Kill Bill: Volume 1, more than any film released in 2003 screams 'now.'"