Blogging the Oscars 3

9:55, Jake Gyllenhall (sp?) in the second or third open plea for people to go to theaters

Are people really going to be moved to rush to the theaters by watching a bunch of sweeping, large scale extravaganzas on their TVs at home?

There's another three hours to go? Holy christ.

Jessica Alba and Eric Bana doing "sound mixing." As if I haven't done enough damage to my credibility by casting doubt on Felicity Huffman's acting greatness, I'm going to offer a slight dissent from the universal lust for Alba. I know, that probably makes me gay in the eyes of some people. I'm not saying I wouldn't do her, I'm just saying that, while she is very pretty, I don't find her all that sexy, given the universe of hot chicks in Hollywood. Her looks are great, but there's something missing for me. I can't explain it.

You're still reading? OK.

Lily Tomlin and Merle Streep are doing a pretty good bit, an improv intro to Robert Altman's honorary Oscar. I love Altman, mainly because I don't love all his movies. Some are absolutely great (I think California Split is my favorite, but check me again next week possibly for McCabe, Secret Honor, Long Goodbye) some are just good (I liked Popeye, for instance, only a bit less than Nashville; I'd also put the Player, MASH, and some other highly praised movies in this category) and others I don't care so much for (Come Back to the 5 and Dime, Buffalo Bill, and Ready to Wear; see I do have some conventional opinions.)

Altman's had a heart transplant. I remember hearing that before. I'm actually not looking forward to Prairie Home Companion, since I've always disliked the source material.

10:18, Ludacris introducing "It's Hard out here for a Pimp."

I haven't seen Hustle and Flow, and I understand that the song is quite important to the film, but isn't it supposed to be, in the context of that film, a mediocre first-time song by an aspiring rapper?

Wow, the Three Six Mafia just won an Oscar? I feel the Academy has just taken yet another opportunity to embarrass themselves. I'm sure a lot of voters think they're being very open-minded and all, but come on, it's not a very good song. Of course, the other two songs aren't that great either, so maybe this is a sincere pick. Although if Sam Jackson's comments earlier this Oscar season is accurate, it could be a pick made largely by family members and household staff of Academy members.

Jennifer Garner's presenting sound editing. Is it just me, or does her forehead look red?

10:29, Clooney introducing the dead people montage

Names that jump out at me: Arnold from happy Days; Vincent Schiavelli, Moira Shearer, Sandra Dee (see Dunwich Horror), Moustapha Akkad, Debra Hill (wow, I didn't notice the Halloween curse this year), Brock Peters, Shelley Winters, Bob Wise, Pryor

I had knee surgery earlier this week and am thinking about taking some Percocet. That might make the rest of this blogging exercise more interesting. I'm actually not taking it very often, since I don't want to get addicted and lose the right to laugh at Rush Limbaugh's addiction to Oxycontin.

Stewart pointed out that the Three Six Mafia now have more Oscars than Martin Scorcese. That says a lot.

Wait, did Crash just win something? Looks like it.

10:43, Hillary Swank intro of Lead Actor

I haven't seen Capote and I'm not really interested in it. Nevertheless, I think Hoffman will win because they're giving these things to celebrity impersonators nowadays. Plus he's got a bunch of the lead-in awards as well. That might also mean Johnny Cash or Ed Murrow could get it. I'd like David Strathairn to get it, just because I've really liked him since Days and Nights of Molly Dodd.

Nope, Hoffman. Does that mean Huffman will win best actress? I heard somewhere he had a bet with some guys that whoever won an Oscar first had to bark their acceptance speech. I don't hear him barking.

Travolta is introducing cinematography; Memoirs of a Geisha won, because it helps you win one of these if your movie looks like a moving Vanity Fair cover; the guy accepting the award again nods to the "bravery" of somebody or other for making this movie. That's hilarious.

Jamie Fox presenting the best actress. I don't like Judy Dench that much, don't think Charlize Theron can act, don't think Keira Knightley's very pretty, already dissed Felicity Huffman. I like Reese. She's not always up to the roles she takes, but she can really do good work in a part she's ready for.

and she won. I guess that really suspicious death of the photographer with whom she had some altercation with didn't cast a shadow on her. Don't know if she merited the award for this movie, but I can't say I disapprove completely.