Blogging the Oscars

It's so tempting to "blog the Oscars," mostly because the whole idea is alien to this blog. Not because it's Hollywood-focused, while I often write about law and courts. Not because it's ostensibly about quality cinema, while I often write about "trash." It's because blogging a live event means writing a lot, providing a generous amount of content, which I don't do. Or at least not recently.

So here goes:

It's already started (8:14 by my probably wrong VCR clock)

Nicole Kidman's presenting the first Oscar, Best Supporting Actor I think. I haven't really seen any of these movies. I don't watch "quality" movies generally. I used to, but most "quality" movies disappoint me, and I'd rather have my low expectations unmet than raise them.

Wait, I did see History of Violence. I liked it very much, but William Hurt's nomination is a complete mystery to me. BTW, Clooney won. I find Clooney's recent aw-shucks act in face of high acclaim a bit irritating, and his speech here is giving fuel to those who find his activism and his praise in Hollywood self-congratulatory.

8:25ish, Ben Stiller's doing some shtick

Visual effects. I don't care. Yeah, it's hard work, etc. etc. I don't really care that much. For a guy who watches a lot of movies with special effects, I'm totally indifferent to good FX.

Stiller's greenscreen suit makes him look like a pistachio ninja, if there were such a thing. If there were, I'm sure it would have been in the classic 9 1/2 Ninjas.

8:29, Reese Witherspoon presenting the animation award.

Wallace and Gromit won, surprising no one. I missed it in the theater, but look forward to catching it on video.

8:33, Naomi Watts, vying with Nicole for the palest Australian Oscar.

Dolly Parton doing her song from Transamerican. Didn't see it. Don't like Felicity Huffman. I know, I think that gets me put on a list of terrorists, since everybody loves Felicity Huffman. I think in truth, everybody loves the characters she plays and that translates into a lot of goodwill. I've never found one of her performances anything better than competent. She's not without technique; in fact, you can see it all the time.

Parton will win this award, because she's Dolly Parton and she probably deserves it. Anything that keeps the Three-Six Mafia from getting one is OK.

I used to follow the Oscars. When I was a kid, it was because I cared who won, then for a long time it was because i cared about movies, then it was because I found it interesting to predict who would win and interpret what they meant. I always figured the Oscar choices reflected how Hollywood wanted itself to be perceived (to the extent that "Hollywood" could have a desire, blah, blah, blah.)

8:41, Owen and Luke Wilson presenting live action shorts

I'm gonna refill my coffee

Are the Oscars always this corny? Yeah, I guess so.

Are the guys from Warners who created that little genius chicken in the Foghorn Leghorn cartoons getting paid by the people behind "Chicken Little"? They should be.

These shorts awards are sorta like Hollywood welfare programs.

8:47, Jennifer Anniston presenting costumes.

Memoirs of a Geisha won, which was a shoo-in, since it's basically a fashion show movie, which I did see. Wow, some people in Hollywood were "brave enough to make a movie about a woman."

I can't believe Jennifer Anniston tried to stand in the way of Brad and Angelina. She's such a homewrecker.

8:50, Russell Crowe, another actor from down under,

Acknowledging the long history of Hollywood's grand tradition of replacing real people in our collective memory with fakes.

That reminds me, I had bookmarked an interesting article about art fakes I wanted to blog about and Plagiary has updated with some interesting stuff. Guess I'll get back to it.

My wife's wondering how off-schedule we are as the first hour nears its end.

8:55, Will Ferrell and Steve Carell (are they both "two-Ls"?)

I saw 40-Year-Old Virgin recently, which was as hit-and-miss as is usual with the projects put together by that group. It had more coherence than Anchorman, but the cast musical interlude from the 70s seemed shoehorned in, whereas the rendition of "Afternoon Delight" from Anchorman was probably the best thing in it.

I think Stewart is bombing, but people like him enough that it might go unnoticed.

9:00, Rachel McAdams is talking, shhhh

Morgan Freeman is doing something. Best supporting Actress. Is Catherine Keener gonna win just for playing a celeb, or is Rachel Weiss going to win because she's so damn hot? I'm going with Weiss.

Yep. Damn, look at those. I've liked her since Chain Reaction. Yeah, I saw it.

I watch the Oscars now mostly because my wife likes to see what people are wearing. I don't care what Hollywood thinks of itself anymore, nor do I care to speculate on what choices AMPAS voters might make in pursuit of being perceived a certain way.