Ever meet anyone who's life was saved by Deep Throat?

Vanity Fair will soon publish an article (warning, Adobe) revealing the identity of Deep Throat [UPDATE: There's an html version.] Apparently, Mark Felt is copping to it and Woodstein have now confirmed it (Washington Post story here.) I have to admit that I don't really care that much who it was, but I recall hearing somewhere that Nixon thought Felt was Deep Throat.

I think we'll soon realize that it was better not to know who DT was. Certainly, the speculation is much more interesting than the real story could ever be. The only good that could come from this is the cottage industry of theorists arguing that DT is actually someone else and trying to explain why Woodward and crew would lie about it.

Of course, I've got my favorite candidates:

• Alexander Haig - A claim made in Silent Coup, a book that is thoroughly unconvincing, but very enjoyable. Basically, the authors' account of the Watergate affair makes it sound very much like the plot to the movie Clue.


• Pat Buchanan - He appears on a lot of lists for reasons I can't understand unless, like me, it's just amusing to imagine Buchanan trying the patience of Woodstein with lengthy rants about Nixon's betrayal of the country on race relations or something as they politely make excuses to get back to the office.


• George H. W. Bush - Sure, it's wildly unlikely, if for no other reason than that no one would ever give GHW Bush the nickname "Deep Throat," but that's why I like this theory.


• Richard Nixon - While we're on outlandish theories... The idea of Nixon shuffling around a parking garage talking to himself, Secret Honor style, with Woodstein unsure whether any of what they were hearing is at all credible, gives me the giggles.


• Frank Wills - The security guard who interrupted the Watergate break-in. The idea that a guy could just happen to spot some duct tape and set in motion one of the biggest scandals in American history is just too preposterous for anyone with a conspiratorial mind.


• Linda Lovelace - If true, it would confirm "Deep Throat" as the most spectacularly successful, lazily selected pseudonym of all time.


• Jessica Lange - You see, that line in King Kong wasn't just an atrocious effort at provocative dialogue, it was a clue...


• Nora Ephron - She married Carl Bernstein not long after Watergate. I figure things didn't work out with Bob (too much of a boy scout) so she hooked up with Carl instead and dropped that line in King Kong to implicate Jessica Lange.


• Hal Holbrook - ...who then went on to play himself in the movie.